Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
