i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
