I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
