He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
