I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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