hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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