Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
