Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
