Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
