I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
