sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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