dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
