You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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