Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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