What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize