So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
