i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
