did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
