Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize