Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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