Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
