Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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