he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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