when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
