are you still at the devil's house?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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