im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
