ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
