you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
