I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
