Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
