tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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