This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
