dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Pooping to opera.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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