im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
