Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
