I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize