the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize