These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
