The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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