I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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