break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
