thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
