why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
