Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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