how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
