I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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