belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
