Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
In other news, I just burned my penis
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize