Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
