If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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