You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
