Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I wear drunk well.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
