It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
God, I missed his penis.
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