Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
