i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
