ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
