remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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