Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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