do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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