I want you more than these girls want KFC
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
