Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Is Oprah even human
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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