I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Hippo gnu deer
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
